"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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