oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize