I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
did you just send me my own nude
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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