Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My breasts were aching with rage.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
