Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Randomize
