But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
