Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
