waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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