I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
