I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
