I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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