we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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