She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
