i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
