You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
