You really coming over, don't trick.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize