Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
