Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
