Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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