Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
