College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
