I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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