Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
