your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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