She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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