I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
