so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize