hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
