My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
