I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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