I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
