Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Randomize
