In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
