I got chris browned last night
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
