Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
