And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
