It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
