Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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