If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
