If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
