Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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