I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
