He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
