Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
