I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
