I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
