My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
