What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
