It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
