My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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