Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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