I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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