today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
