Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
