He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
