In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
