I didn't shave. On purpose
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
