nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
