Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
