I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
