I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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