just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
