dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
