Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
