He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
