told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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