Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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