this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
