I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
